A common conversation popping up is if NFP is so effective, why on earth do NFP couples have so many kids?!
Here’s the deal: NFP isn’t only about effectiveness and responsible parenthood. It goes a lot deeper and is tied to Catholic beliefs and the theology around the dignity of personhood and the gift of children. It goes back to the wedding ceremony and what a couple promises God and each other in front of witnesses, family, and friends.
Fertility awareness is the science of charting. This includes the effectiveness rates and how the methods actually work.
NFP is the implementation of the science, along with the theological realities of the body and the goodness of marriage and the amazing possibility to create new life.
During the Catholic wedding ceremony, the couple is asked in front of God, witnesses, family and friends if they will be open to life and the gift of children and the couple responds: “I am/we are”.
This means that the couple fundamentally believes in the goodness of children and the gift of their joint fertility to be open to the life or lives God will entrust to them in their marriage. Life is a gift – not simply an effectiveness rate.
The use of NFP is a sacrificial-based system. You say “no” to sex when you have discerned that you are not ready for a life in your marriage. This is a personal decision between God and couple to make and must be done so intentionally. Choosing to abstain and to not use a form of contraception, you allow the possibility for life to be created (you do not prevent it with any barriers in place). You have to use self-control and find other ways to grow in intimacy during a fertile time when you both would love to share in sex together. This openness to life and the lack of contraceptive use allows for the potential for human life to be created – even if it might seem crazy. Because, going back to the wedding ceremony – the couple entrusts their joint fertility to God.
This doesn’t mean reason and free-will are thrown out the window. God asks us ot use our brains and to be active participants in our lives. Our actions matter and if we make a mistake or realize we may be abstaining for the wrong reasons, NFP is a tool that helps bring selfish desires to the surface pretty dang quickly.
NFP use is a both/and. It’s the implementation of science and the every day practice of faith.
NFP disentangles our selfish hearts and desires to help us see the big picture: the heavenly goal. So, while there are couples who do not have children, some have 1 or 2, others have large families, it’s about openness and fruitfulness to what God asks of us. Hearts are changed with NFP, the recognition that children are a gift is very present, and openness to life looks very different from the standard “have x kids and don’t be stupid about it for x reasons”. NFP doesn’t allow you to live in a box. NFP requires you to lean into your own saintly story, walk your own path, and allow God to work on your heart and the ways in which He calls YOU to fruitfulness.
It’s not as simple as effectiveness rates. While that’s included, it’s so much more.
Anecdotally, I see a variety of family sizes in my Catholic circles and I see fruitfulness lived out in a variety of ways. Scientifically, we are seeing infertility and miscarriage addressed much more openly than ever before, so the correlation and causation of such matters requires further discovery and understanding. Are we seeing the statistics of infertility arising because we have technology available to us? More women are advocating for themselves? We have an increasing number of doctors better informed to know what to look for? We’re expanding research on the issue? Remember: we don’t know each person’s story and what it entails. Let’s meet everyone in charity. God is capable of changing hearts. We are capable of witnessing the face of God and love of Jesus every single day. You never know: you might be the only Bible someone ever reads.
