Natural Family Planning is a tool, specifically a decision-making tool.
With it being a tool, you can use it well or you can use it poorly. But, you can’t blame the tool for being the problem when it’s inherently not the problem.
The argument that NFP can be used sinfully or misused is a silly statement because you can’t blame the tool. You need to look at the individuals who implement it and use it and examine the intentions of its use.
The intentions for using the tool are at the heart of misuse or poor use of a tool. It’s too easy to bash a tool in order to make us feel better about how we use something or how we perceive someone else using a tool. It requires self-examination and asking tough questions to get at the heart of why we’re using NFP, what the intentions are, and if there are any selfish desires that may be a part of the decision to use it.
What would a selfish desire look like? The Catholic Church doesn’t give specific examples because what is one person’s selfish reason is another’s serious reason. NFP requires self-awareness and conversations between spouses to get at the core of their “why”. It also helps to be actively engaged in the sacraments together, specifically regular confession and Holy Communion.
Why? Because when we are fine-tuning our hearts to Christ’s and we’re actively participating in our marriage, we actively participate in the graces given in the sacrament of marriage that allow us tend to the areas that need our attention – and need Jesus’ healing touch. You may be using NFP with selfish intentions, but the answer isn’t to “try harder”. The answer is to invite Jesus into your marriage, your fertility, and your charting and ask Him to purify your intentions.
If you are nervous your reasons for avoiding a pregnancy may not be for good, true, and holy reasons for your family, invite Jesus into your marriage & your marriage bed. Ask Him to help you.
He will show up! He’s GOD! Overthinking can get you cycling in your own thoughts and your own problem-solving. Part of the practice of NFP is inviting God into your family life and letting Him speak life to you both about what He asks of you. It’s radical living and He invites you on a journey with Him.
NFP isn’t about saying you’re avoiding pregnancy for the next year. It requires a monthly conversation because each month, you are brought a new cycle and a new possibility for creation of life and you have to ask each other honestly about what’s going on, what your goals are, and where your hearts are at. It requires you to actively participate in your life together and in your family life together, too. This isn’t one partner’s responsibility, it is very much shared.
So, when you’re wondering if NFP can be misused or if you can use it with selfish intentions, it is possible. But, that doesn’t mean that it can’t change or you shouldn’t use it because you could risk misuse.
NFP invites you into a journey of self-awareness and freedom, surrendering your fertility, having beautiful and hard conversations about your family as a couple, and inviting you to trust God with your entire marriage and family, in whichever way He intends you to grow and be fruitful in your marriage.
