Judgements abound about family sizes in all circles.
In a world where birth control is heavily used and abused, we often don’t see children as a blessing as much as they are a curse. It’s tough to write out, but it’s true. Children are more frequently viewed as an inconvenience. They’re the fun wreckers, coming in to take away your time, travel opportunities, date nights, and joyful experiences.
What I’ve seen (& personally experienced) is the exact opposite in my own parenting journey. I’ve been challenged to be creative, root out my selfishness, and choose to bring my kids places because they are participants – just as much as I am! – in the adventures we can make as a family. Whether it’s going to DQ after dinner in PJs or planning a trip somewhere or making a fort at home that will inevitably be wrecked in .5 seconds! While toddler tantrums are hard work (HOLY COW!), the hilarious phrases and “point and share what you’re thinking” moments outweigh the hard parts.
On a broader scale, I’ve seen those that practice NFP evolve into a posture of surrender and trust that God CAN provide for us, if we trust Him. It can be scary to make such a bold claim, but it’s only in doing so that we really see God at work.
This doesn’t mean there isn’t suffering. This doesn’t mean it’s not hard. This doesn’t mean we won’t ever grapple with things that happen to us (especially when we really feel like we’ve discerned well & made a smart move!). It means we allow God into the hard spaces of our lives – including our fertility – to ask Him to show us how He calls us to be saints.
This doesn’t mean that we’re baby-making machines. It’s actually the opposite: it means we’re responsible for our lives and choices and we invite the Holy Spirit in to be a part of it.
Recognizing babies are a blessing AND discernment of responsible parenthood can co-exist and need to. We have been given free-will and reason and we are invited to trust God in the process of our decision-making.
We all need to work on re-wiring our brains to see a couple and/or family and pray for them and their discernment. We don’t know what a couple may be experiencing in their marriage: infertility, a tough medical diagnosis, challenging dynamics with their children, marital conflict, etc. The list can go on and it’s not our list to know about or read through to determine if someone should be open to life.
Let’s look to each other with the eyes of Christ and pray for each other.
Raising children is hard work and discernment is important in family life and in child-rearing, just as much as discernment is important in saying “yes” to a new life, too!
Babies are a blessing and discernment is a tool and a gift from God.
Do you feel like you know how to discern? Do you find you have the tools you need for proper discernment?
I want to encourage you to start looking into Ignatian Spirituality, specifically three by Fr. Gallagher: Discernment of Spirits, Discerning the Will of God, and Discernment of Spirits in Marriage. He walks you through practical tips for discernment and how to navigate the challenges that arise when you are discerning and struggling with decision-making.
I think we need more resources and support on discernment in the Church to help Catholic couples when it comes to family planning and openness to life. I’m so grateful to Fr. Gallagher for making discernment so accessible and I pray we see an influx of more resources to help us make decisions with the Holy Spirit (and, if you read this and feel a nudge you may be one of those people, I pray you say “yes” to the mission God places on your heart!).
