You have to be intentional with your marriage.
Dating & engaged Bridget would have never said this and would have laughed at you.
I was totally and madly in love with David (& I still very much am!) and it was easy to love him. I wanted to be with him & go on fun dates. He wasn’t a part of my life in every single way, we didn’t share a home before we were married, we didn’t see each other in the ups and downs. We got glimpses, we helped each other and celebrated each other, but we didn’t live life united as one. Because, we weren’t. We were two individuals and we navigated life separately from each other until the day we said “I do”.
That’s when I remember it changed and I wasn’t going home to get in my sweats and eat Cheetos. There was no “off” time. David was there and he saw every part of me. The parts I loved about myself and the parts I wasn’t sure were very lovable. The pieces of me that I secretly wondered if they were “too much”.
Marriage refines us and challenges us daily to show up as our whole selves. We are constantly challenged to love each other – not use each other – and to desire the best for the other and believe the other has the best of intentions in their actions and daily choices, too.
That post-original sin loving hits DIFFERENT. Sometimes, I get so annoyed at Adam & Eve for screwing it up when we could see each other body & soul and be naked and unashamed. You know??
This love takes work, sacrifice, and selflessness at levels I’m sometimes shocked at. You mean I can’t just scroll my phone at night and expect my marriage to get better?! Yes, sometimes I still ask that question. And, the truth is: we have to prioritize each other. We have to show up for each other. And – mindset shift – we get to show up for each other. I get to love David every day. I have the honor of loving him as my HUSBAND and I can love him in all of the good and hard parts. He can do the same for me.
It’s a crazy kind of love. It’s the best kind of love. And, we’re very much in the thick of growing, learning, and having hard conversations to love each other better.
So, if you’re wondering if it’s worth it or necessary to love and sacrifice for each other: IT IS. Healing can be a painful process, but the results are extraordinary. Loving your spouse is the greatest honor of your life. And, it’s worth being seen in sweats & eating Cheetos every dang day (among MANY other things).
Being united as ONE and being on the same team, fighting for each other, and helping each other heal, learn, grow, and get to Heaven is worth it.
And, it’s FUN! Sometimes, these deep posts can sound all fight and you go to bed bruised and exhausted from the dragon vices you’ve slayed and the hard conversations you’ve had. While it’s good to do these things, we have to have fun, too! Maybe it’s my sanguine talking, but marriage can be so fun if we allow ourselves to wonder, get curious, and allow ourselves to think the best of our spouse! I’ve had more fun with David in our marriage, amidst the hard parts, and we continue to laugh together about things that have happened to us (like a cocktail exploding over the kitchen as David was shaking it for our date night in), a funny meme we came across, something ridiculous one of our girls said, a memory from Google photos… marriage is wild that way.
It allows us to enter into the work and the play and we have to be attuned to when we’re called to which part in our life. The both/and of marriage is very real and very necessary.
Take some time and think about what your marriage needs. Maybe it requires more investment and work. Maybe it requires more play together. Both are an investment and help you grow!
What do you need today to help your marriage flourish?
